Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in shawshank's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, January 21st, 2006
1:14 am	Fathers So I had a conversation with a Tennessee friend of mine just now, which basically consisted of him ranting about his father. The two of them do not speak unless some social or family event forces them together. They do not see each other on holidays including birthdays even though I, for the past 2 going on 3 years, have called on the father's birthday and begged the son to reconcile. I don't know why this affects me as much as it does. Though, perhaps people reading this are shouting a big "DUH!" at me, but honestly, I do not think that it is solely Dad's passing that has me so uptight about people being overly vicious towards their fathers. Now just to clarify, I do not have issues with the people who disagree with fatherly views, are annoyed with their fathers 98 percent of the time; no, I am speaking of those that outright loathe their fathers just for one decision or belief. I will say that I do not feel this way towards people who have cut themselves off from their mothers, so maybe I do have some complex because of Dad. But my closest Florida friend's father is very sick, and my mother's best friend is not recovering well at all from massive heart surgery, and he has one daughter who I am sure is terrified of what might happen. It is times like these that I just want to shake my aforementioned friend and say, "Hey! Wake up, get over this petty little thing and count your blessings!!" It is one of my hugest pet peeves when someone is depressed about something, and their confidante takes that particular moment to do a sort of, "well, if you think YOU'VE got problems let me tell you about me..." but honestly, it has pretty much gotten to the point where I just want to allow a long pause, say "you know? at least you have a father," and hang up the phone. Terrible, and like I said I hate it when people do that kind of thing to me, so I am not going to, but honestly I am just getting a wee bit annoyed. It got to a boiling point I think because of people close to me having fathers who were sick, so I dunno I feel like I should end this entry by being like a sappy email forward and say "go hug your parents," but I won't...you can if you want to though...there now don't you feel better!! Current Mood: melancholy (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 8th, 2006
9:20 pm	The entire UA School of Music is saying "I told you so" right now In the year 2006 I resolve to: Bang the girl who lives next door. Get your resolution here Current Mood: bored (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 25th, 2005
2:17 am	I don't want to. You can't make me! I am sitting here at 2:15 in the a.m. wondering why I am on eBay fighting over a souped-up nintendo with 33 freaks of nature who also didn't order their Xbox 360s a year ago. I don't even know what this thing is, but it is apparently bigger than Harry Potter could ever hope to be. All I have to say is I better be getting some excellent sex out of this devotion that I am showing. Current Mood: annoyed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
7:43 pm	It is TIME!! In a little over 28 hours, I will be doing what hopefully most of my friends will be doing or at least gearing up for (Sorry Central time zone,) HARRY POTTER!!!! Finally after long last I discovered that my theatre was in fact doing a midnight showing. Thank God, right! I want to hear all thoughts about it if anyone goes. And don't worry, my next entry is not going to be about the details of the movie because I don't know about you, but it is always frustrating to me if I am reading through people's entries, and they feel the need to exclaim "The boat sinks!!" Ok, so we all knew the boat sinks, but that was my witty example. I'm going to Epcot tomorrow at 9am ,yawn. I have never spent an entire day at Epcot, but Joe insists it can be done. And I need something to do to keep my mind off the minutes creeping by!!! Everyone try and get some sleep tonight! Current Mood: giddy (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
10:16 pm	To Joe Honestly now, why can't we just say to our hearts, "Heart, this is who we are going to love. I would like you to meet he (or she) is the person I am madly in love with and want to devote my time and energy to for the rest of my days." How hard is that??!!! Who knew heart disease could come in so many forms?! Are these the ramblings of an exhausted mind??!! perhaps... I don't know why I love you but I do I don't know why I cry so but I do I only know I'm lonely and that I want you only I don't know why I love you but I do I can't sleep nights because I feel so restless I don't know what to do, I feel so helpless And since you've been away, I cry both night and day I don't know why I love you but I do My days have been so lonely My nights have been so blue I don't know how I manage, but I do Each night I sit alone and tell myself That I will fall in love with someone else I guess I'm wastin' time but I've got to clear my mind I don't know why I love you but I do -Clarence "Frogman" Henry Current Mood: loved (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
6:57 pm	Deven So I have met the most adorable guy on the planet!! Ok sure he is 5, but what guy really matures past that age when you really think about it?! I spent a few hours with him and his father who works with me at Disney, yesterday at the Magic Kingdom. I think I shall work on getting him addicted to sweet tea...much to the annoyance of his father I am sure. Must not get too attached though.... Current Mood: relaxed (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 27th, 2005
12:57 pm	Friends, a confusing lot I realize now that this is just a sad part of my personality that I apparently will have to live with for the rest of my life. Having said that this is what it is: I become completely devoted to the wrong people while truly amazing people become devoted to me and spend much of their time attempting to prove their so blatantly obvious devotion but yet it always leaves me longing (for lack of a better phrase) for the one who got away. Current Mood: content (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, February 16th, 2004
11:31 pm	A Thought This may be hard to follow, but I was reading a friend, of a friend, of a friend's lj entry. The girl had a picture of herself, and it was like a blast from my past. You know how they say that you have a twin somewhere out there?? Well, I met a girl 6 years ago that looked identical to the one I was seeing now. I am not going to get into who it was I was looking at because it really doesn't matter, but I started thinking: whatever happened to the girl I knew so long ago? I find it odd that human nature allows you to become very close to someone and then almost the next instant forget about them altogether. I guess I can just comfort myself that I remember her now, and I hope she is doing well wherever she is. Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 15th, 2004
10:49 pm	Pure hatred Now granted I have hated this girl for awhile now, but for some reason, lately, she has just been making me want to (alright I'll say it) strangle her. I have recently discovered from one of my "true" friends that she has been telling blatant lies about her relationship with me. When did I become the damn victim that constantly has to be rescued. As I recall, Josh and Elizabeth's pseudo-breakup has been keeping us in drama aplenty. How dare this midget, grotesque bitch lie about my role in the "drama" behind my back. How dare she say that she has EVER taken care of me in my times of need!! Bringing my health issues to the forefront to make herself look saintly is sick and evil. She has never helped in anyway in that regard because frankly she has no idea what it is like even though that is her supposed specialty: knowing what is wrong with people even if they themselves don't. I know she is going to read this entry, but what the fuck do I care??!! Because another great thing about her is she has the IQ of a slug, which is somewhat of an insult to the slug, so she will never cross her mind that I could possibly be talking about "perfect" fat ass her. I am tired of her thinking that she is the perfect one who always knows what is going on with everyone. She is supposedly the answer to everyone's problems. One conversation with her and you are assumed to be "fixed." I have deemed myself as the person to tell her "HELL NO!!!" If she gets near me ever again, I will not be held responsible for my actions. It is sad that my ex-boyfriend can notice things before I can about people I thought were closer to me. She makes me wonder if God really does make mistakes. However, I am not alone in being the receiver of her wrath. She treats her boyfriend just as badly. If someone I cared about went to as much trouble as he did to make my Valentine's Day as awesome and thoughtful as he was making hers, I would shoot myself before I badmouthed the experience to other people. He needs to drop her worthless ass and look around at the girls who really do care about him. All I have to say in closing is that: Brooke, you were right. I should have listened to you from the beginning when you said that you were going to stay away from her and that I should too. The devil is truly in the South!! Current Mood: infuriated (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 21st, 2003
11:20 pm	A Fool This is just to say that all of you girls who always thought I wasn't good enough...well you were right, and so I am now bowing out (not gracefully because well that is just not me.) He is all yours, ladies. I thought that I was entitled to happiness just like y'all (yours being making my life miserable,) but I am not worthy, just like you always said. He likes "The Shawshank Redemption," Thelonius Monk, and he will make you the happiest you have ever felt in your life. I wish you all the luck in the world. Current Mood: crushed (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 3rd, 2003
2:25 am	Friends....but different Unlike my last journal entry that was entitled "Friends" I am going to attempt to not rant. When I was in high school I was lumped (mainly due to my two best friends) into the group aptly deemed "the bible toters." I am sure everyone knew of a group similar to this at their own school. They were the ones in the cafeteria praying over their food, darning and goshing everything imaginable...getting a picture? It was comfortable and right for me at that time of my life. The fact that we never allowed the people who were "different" into our selective group never bothered me. Then I came to college.... My current roommate was actually one of the first people I met when I moved into my freshman dorm. By most people's standards, we are polar opposites, but she is one of my dearest friends because she is always there for me when I need her, no questions asked, no matter what the "Katie crisis" may be at that point in time. I learned that really all I need in a friend is someone to be there for me. With that newly found revelation, I have developed wonderful friendships that I wouldn't give up for anything. An outsider would probably assume that my friends comprise a group of boy band-loving, sappy movie watching, Gap-wearing "preps." I am very glad to be able to prove the contrary!! Looking back on my aforementioned high school career it worries me that perhaps I lost out on some great friendships due to close-mindedness solely on my part. Having said all of this I now entreat this eclectic group that I am so privileged to know to extend the same allowances for adversity that they have given to me to my other friends. I close in saying that I am thankful for each of you that has opened your heart to at least one "boy band-loving, sappy movie watching, Gap-wearing prep." (3 Comments |Comment on this)
1:45 am	I'm back I am back and (not to worry) I do not have a sappy, depressing song to copy/paste into my entry (disappointed moan I know.) I've been through a lot since I last wrote in my journal an age and a half ago, but it is all turning out great in the end. I realize that most if not all of my friends are going through some "emotional storms" (I read it in a book once.) I also know that when you are going through something that is devastating or at least an annoyance the very last thing anyone needs is hearing unwarranted advice from an outside source. To that I say close this journal entry now and be done with me. However, to those who enjoy musing over my numerous ramblings of advice here is a little something for you. Good friends will always be there for you because you, also being a good friend, are there for them. But You are ultimately the one who will be with you during every happiness and sorrow, so finding out for yourself what is making you the person you project to others is key, I believe, in leading a calmer if not happier existence. Polonius really knew what he was talking about: "To thine own self be true." because ultimately you are the one that cares what happens in your life. It is you who will be benefiting from the happiness you bestow or pain you inflict upon yourself. So how can you kid yourself and say that you are either happy or sad depending on your personal situation when you are really not? Who is benefiting from lies? Yet another thing we need to realize is most of my friends are between the ages of 18 and 30. We are all trying to figure out what we want or what is going to happen in our lives. Therefore, we do not always necessarily have the divine answer. I am not saying go to therapy because it has always been my opinion that anyone can figure out what is wrong with themselves if they are truly honest about their feelings. So there it is: Friends can only do so much. They are human with problems that they feel are just as important as everyone else's. Be true to yourself, and know that whatever you are feeling is all right because if we are lucky we find friends as eclectic as they might be who will be there for us unconditionally! Current Mood: accomplished (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 11th, 2002
9:15 am	When all our tears have reached the sea Part of you will live in me Way down deep inside my heart The days keep coming without fail A new wind is gonna find your sail That's where your journey starts You'll find better love Strong as it ever was Deep as the river runs Warm as the morning sun Please remember me Just like the waves down by the shore We're gonna keep on coming back for more 'Cause we don't ever wanna stop Out in this brave new world you seek Oh the valleys and the peaks And I can see you on the top You'll find better love Strong as it ever was Deep as the river runs Warm as the morning sun Please remember me Remember me when you're out walkin' When the snow falls high outside your door Late at night when you're not sleepin' And moonlight falls across your floor When I can't hurt you anymore You'll find better love Strong as it ever was Deep as the river runs Warm as the morning sun Please remember me Current Mood: lonely (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 7th, 2002
11:29 pm	I hear you're takin the town again Havin a good time with all your good time friends I don't think that you think of me You're on your own now And I'm alone and free. I know that I should get on with my life But a life lived without you could never be right. As long as the stars shine down from the heavens Long as the rivers run to the sea I'll never get over you getting over me. I try to smile so the hurt won't show Tell everybody that I was glad to see you go But the tears just won't go away Loneliness found me Looks like it's here to stay I know that I oughta find someone new But all I find is myself always thinking of you As long as the stars shine down from the heavens Long as the rivers run to the sea I'll never get over you getting over me No matter what I do Each night's a lifetime to live through I can't go on like this I need your touch And you're the only one I've ever loved And as long as the stars shine down from the heavens Long as the rivers run to the sea I'll never get over you getting over me Current Mood: crushed (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 27th, 2002
10:09 pm	I had a wonderful weekend. Alabama beat UT!!! My exciting thing that I did today?? I bought two brass CDs, but not just any brass CDs. They are basically CDs of a brass dream team. Phil Myers, Phil Smith, Joe Alessi, and two guys I have never heard of. This is sooo exciting!!! Ok...I'm gonna take my musically nerdy self and go to bed. Good night all (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 24th, 2002
3:29 pm	I am going home tomorrow to spend some time with Teddy. I have been questioning our relationship a lot lately, but I think I have figured out what our problem was all along: we have been dating for too long!!! Now this in no way means we are breaking up, it is just that maybe we shouldn't have dated so exclusively in high school when we were still maturing. Because now we don't really know what the next step is in our relationship since we took all those steps in high school. My Chrysler Sebring-buying grandmother is randomly sending me money with which to buy clothes, so next week: SHOPPING SPREE!!! Current Mood: lazy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 23rd, 2002
9:56 pm	My car is home!!! Now all I have to do is get to Pulaski without wrecking. Easier said than done, I know. Dr. Gentry completed his assiness by saying that after the concert this Tuesday. He is going to pull us out of class and make us sing all of our music, so this way he can tell who really needs to be in the group. I HATE HIM!!!! I really want to go to Knoxville this weekend, but I have no money to do this. Plus I have no idea how to get there. Isn't it weird?? I have no idea how to get there, and I do in fact live in Tennessee. I'm weird. Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 22nd, 2002
4:05 pm	I called the place that is fixing my baby, and they assure me that she will be fixed by tomorrow afternoon. YAY!! Canadian Brass concert tonight, and for those string players that think they do not need to hear them...bleh on you!!! Ok I am aware of the fact that the only cellist who reads my entries is a pseudo one, but I can still make my point. Dr. Gentry must be on a week long PMS or something. He was quite mean today. He had a sectional with the Tenor 1s and 2s (separately) and ate them out about not knowing this piece that we have been practicing for like 2 days that is in German...AHHH!!! Get a grip Dr. G!!! Current Mood: anxious (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, October 21st, 2002
3:58 pm	Dr. Gentry was such an ass today. I'm afraid someone is gonna have to reel him in. He is starting to think that he is as talented as Dr. Willetts and that just won't do. Who would've ever thought this would happen??!! My day has gotten better because I talked to Dr. Welker!! He is sooo sweet (to me at least.) Since my fainting incident and Dad dying in January, Dr. Welker has viewed me as this fragile flower that needs nurturing, so I am perfectly happy to let him keep acting this way towards me. Current Mood: sleepy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 20th, 2002
1:56 pm	Friends My best friend came to visit me this weekend. One of the many things I love about Brooke is that she loves me unconditionally. I have put her through all of the shit in my life, and she has been there for me without fail. Unfortunately for my other friends that I have encountered along the way, she is the standard by which I measure everyone else...but I urge those others not to lose heart. I only have one best friend, so falling short is not an impairment. On the other hand.... When you have been friends with someone for almost 2 years now and you consider yourself fairly close to them, you expect certain things. Now before I get into that I am going to take care of some criticisms that may come from people who read my entry...my favorite being: "the person" is shy to which I respond....SHY?!! MY ASS!!!! If you are friends with me, granted you might not talk as much (because God help us all if you did) but please don't give me that bullshit because the EXTREEEMELY shy people that I have encountered in my life do, in fact, run away, so if you are still near me then you ain't got nothin' on the shy people. Another: "the person" didn't know it was important to me. Oh my God!!! Well, if they have their head secured so far up their ass that they do not realize that me asking, every single day that I see them, what their plans are for said weekend is a sign that I want them to meet the most important 20 year old in my life, then God, Allah, Buddha, Vishnu...HELP THEM!!!!! If I can make myself convenient, so that they can parade their, tactless, parent-hating significant other in front of me, then the least they can do is make time to meet the person that has been the most important peer in my life since the 7th grade!! So now that I have hopefully demolished any chance of a defense that "the person" might have, I can continue my rant. Obviously this person doesn't consider me a friend, or they would have made some effort to be there for me. Although I am sure "the person" would deny it, it almost feels like they intentionally avoided me for this weekend, and that is not a friend...in fact that is evil and extremely hurtful. An issue that I have been having trouble overcoming and have not put into print until now is "the person"'s intense need to draw the friendship line. I will admit that there are some friendships that can be placed in situations which are most precarious, but for me, that was never a problem with "the person" and me. We both knew that we were "just friends," and it should never matter what other people think...SCREW THEM!! However, "the person"'s solution to the hazy friend line problem was to make me feel like I was beneath "the person." FG: "The person" opens a building door, and then places their body in between the door and me until they have entered the building. Car door opening: which for me has never been an issue...I can open my own damn door!!! But if you are going to do it then DO IT!! Do not unlock the thing, and then do some move of retardation with the handle...what is up with that?!! Strangers on the street open doors for people, and this is not a gender thing either. I, being female, open doors for girls all the time. We will now introduce a new concept to "the person." It is called: BEING POLITE!!! The reason I bring this example up is to shed some light on some other reasons why I am seeming a bit miffed. If this treatment had been going on through our entire friendship, then only a fool would continue said friendship. However, there was a time when my friendship with "the person" included building door opening, car door opening, civility to parents and friends, and the "occasional" IM. So I guess, after examing this entry, the two questions that are plaguing my mind are: how did I become beneath contempt to "the person," and how can such a drastic change occur in less than 2 years?? My feeble attempt at an answer: Ya got me!! Current Mood: enraged (2 Comments |Comment on this)